every once in awhile, i'll sit down and write something in a place where nothing is supposed to be written. i'll take a seat in the back booth of a bar, and just write as the girls dance around in tiny outfits and the boys do their best not to make their stares noticeable. this was where i wrote this. it's crazy to think that i felt this way at one point because so much has changed. but i think it's important to understand how you once felt in order to heal your own wounds and help yourself come back together.
this is what i wrote one night in a dark bar...
there are lyrics and quotes and everything in between that i can relate back to when thinking of you, and me, and us. there isn't an us. there should be. i'd be hesitant to say all the time, but definitely sometimes, there should be an us. i've gone through every scenario. why do you rely on me so much? why do you go to me for everything? you're the smartest person i know. i mean that. yet, you do the most confusing things. all the time. you confuse the fuck out of me consistently. for no reason that i can fathom, just leave me alone. it would be much easier that way-- if there was space or distance or something. for all the reasons i love technology i also hate it. i hate how i can't get away, i can't leave the world behind and get you out of my head. i know that's what i need. but you need me. i want you and you need me. why is there such a difference between those two words: need and want... they are the thick, thick wall that divides us. get out of my head. get out of my heart. you're taking up too much space. you've broken everything. my heart and my head have both crumbled. now i have to listen to my head and break my own heart all over again, after you've already broken it. i have to do this for my future and for my sanity. breaking your own heart is so hard. but you made me do this. everything was fine before you, so is this feeling i have worth it? the rush to the head, the drop of the stomach. the feeling you give me. is it all worth it?
it was worth giving up.
No comments:
Post a Comment