All is Fair

in vain have i struggled

it will not do

you must allow me to tell you

how ardently i admire

and love you

Coming Home

i don't know what it is exactly but there's a feeling when i get every time i go home. it's not just that safe, secure feeling. the feeling i get when i'm around family, that can happen anywhere. it's a feeling of being in this dumb little city that's filled with too many unemployed demotivated people and run down dollar stores and yet how i still love it. i love how every block in my neighbourhood has a story, an image, a deeper meaning. it's driving past the stoplights by my house and being able to predict to the second how long it will be or maybe it's the corner where it's the local pizza shop where i would hang out in elementary school. it's just an overflow of memories and feelings that invade my mind. i know i'm most likely never going to permanently live in my hometown again, but i know it will always be there and nothing ever changes that much. i love how nothing changes though. i love how students who now go to my high school still go to the pita place across the street for lunch. there's just so much that changes and moves in a big city and how nothing ever does in a small one. i love how it's practically mandatory to say hello to people walking on the street if you're sitting outside your house. i love how you probably now the people walking anyways, or at least their family. i love how it's a small city but its my city and no one will ever change the feeling i get when i'm there.

A Love Like Their's

 

that can't eat, can't sleep, 

reach-for-the-stars, 

over-the-fence, 

world series kinda thing.

Until I Find Myself Again

it's not that i wanted to act this way, to be this way, to change into this

to become this person

i don't think i'm a worse or better person now than i was

i'm just different

the level of apathy inside me is pathetic.

i've broken my own rules.

i've broken my own heart.

i've stopped doing what's good or what's bad

i've started doing what i want.

despite the sometimes severe consequences.

i wake up

i go to sleep

time and time again.

just waiting for something to ignite inside of me.

the missing light to come back.

until then...

hello, this is me.

A Selfless Love

love is maybe the most selfish thing a person can want. i believe that. people who want love want someone to support them, to be there for them, to love them unconditionally. they want someone to witness their life, to make sure that when they pass on, someone was beside them making memories along the way with them. love is the most selfish want a person could vie for. yet, we all want it. maybe that's why people love each other, because they understand that once you do love someone you have to become selfless. you have to take all the "i" in your life and turn it into "we". maybe that's why it works out. then sometimes when it doesn't work out, it's because the person didn't give enough for the other person to be happy. so who is selfish in that case? the person that didn't give enough? or the person judging them for not giving enough? all i know is that while love is selfish, maybe it's like double negatives that cross out each other and become one big positive. one big positive.

The Constant Struggle

which one should you listen to?

in my opinion,

always 

always 

always

listen to your heart.

the hurt is worth the reward, 

or so i'm told.

Hide and Seek