it was never you that i needed
it was always you that i wanted
6/27/10
When Nothing was Simple
it was never you. it was always me. it was always me pushing, wanting, asking for more. it was me that drove to your house when you needed me. it was never you that stood beside me when my sky was falling. it was me putting my body over yours when your entire world was collapsing. it was me texting you after i knew you had a hard day. it was me remembering to text you even after i had a hard day. it was me blocking shot after shot as they came after you with their harsh words and careless actions. it was never you wanting to fight for me. so now i fight for myself. i take care of myself. i love myself. because you never did, and probably never will.
6/23/10
The Yellow Brick Road
i'm not a princess living in a fairytale
but that doesn't mean i can't live happily ever after
6/21/10
6/20/10
Confidence is a Virtue
it's the vulnerable ones that get the most love. the ones that need someone else there to tell them everything will be okay, that everything will work out. those are the ones that find love and keep searching for it because they need it. they aren't happy on the inside until someone on the outside is beside them. maybe it's because i refuse to be one of those girls. i refuse to be the girl that looks sad and meek. i refuse to be the girl that needs to get the attention of every guy at the bar like a junkie needs their fix. that girl will have a boyfriend. she'll have someone to text good night and good morning and she'll always have a date for friday night. however, she'll always be fragile, overly emotional and timid. i've seen strong, confident girls become scared and passive because of 'love'. i don't believe that is always the case, but i do believe that it happens more than it should. i'm proud that i don't need to fall in love to help my self-esteem, but that doesn't mean i won't.
6/18/10
6/17/10
A Proposal
hey, kobe...
first the saints,
then duke
then the blackhawks,
now the lakers?!
i'm on cloud nine.
also, mr. bryant, marry me?
6/14/10
Let Me Be Me
i'm an individual. i'm unique. i'm blunt and courageous, yet whimsical and naive. the last thing i ever want to be is typical. i want people to fight with their minds trying to place me in one of the boxes they have in their heads. the ones so delicately named... "jock", "clown", "whore", "lover"... and so on. i want people to move me like a chess piece from one box to another because none of them fit perfectly. most people want to be normal. people strive for a sense of normalcy in their lives, like they need it to achieve the happiness they've always heard about, learned about, thought about. they attest that you shouldn't be friends with people that don't fit their idea of normal. yet normal is boring to me. if everyone was "normal"and stereotypical what kind of world would we live in? it would be as if american apparel took over the people building industry and made everyone generic. the last thing i want to be called is normal. i want to be different. i don't think a generic grey v neck is a bad thing, but it'll always look a lot better with bright turquoise jeans, grey heals with a bow on the back, and a bright headband. don't put me in a box. it's squishy and i need my space to be me.
6/13/10
6/12/10
With A Compass In Hand
find out who you are,
and write it with a star
or paint it in the sea
just to let me know,
it's really you and me.
6/10/10
Hittin' Me Hard
the problem is that everyone is going to hurt you.
the answer is to find the ones worth suffering for.
6/9/10
Blackhawks Celebrate!
i'm overly happy about the blackhawks win tonight. i love it when the team i'm cheering for wins. but what i love more is watching dreams come true.
She Da Ishhhh
a cover by any other artist can still sound as sweet
sky ferreira covers stevie nicks' stand back
live a little
dance a lot
6/8/10
Screw Destiny
i want to believe in destiny. it's a comforting thought; that no matter what choices you make, destiny will step in to ensure you're on the right path. when i think about destiny, i tend to personify it and literally think of someone escorting people to their intended destinations. but i dont think it's that easy. i think that people that believe in destiny are the ones that can't handle or are too weak to make the choices they want to in life. if something bad happens, you can shrug it off and say it was destiny. you couldn't change it. calvinists in 16th century england believed the same practice of predestination. that no matter how they lived their lives was irrelevant because it had already been decided whether or not they were going to heaven. in 16th century england, they had precedent to make such conclusions. in a collapsing, failing world drenched with warfare and sickness, how could one continue to live without thinking that they were chosen to go to heaven afterward? today however, we are living well past our early thirties, and despite certain unfortunate parts of the world, dying in a war zone is extremely unlikely and yet, we still romanticize the thought of destiny.
beethoven once stated to "seize fate by the throat" meaning one could change their destiny, that they could alter their fate. i believe in his words. destiny is a beautiful thought and a comforting idea. but only for the weak. the strong don't need destiny. we have too much faith in ourselves and our abilities to allow something as whimsical as destiny to control our path.
6/5/10
There Would Be No Me
i do everything because i care too much to not do anything.
i do this because if there was no you,
i wouldn't be the me that exists today
i would be less fun, less confident and more lonely,
a lot more lonely.
because without you, there would be no me.
so this is because i care.
this is me praying to you to take care of yourself.
i understand it's hard,
of course it is, it's life.
but you have to try.
don't become who you think they want you to be.
just be you.
because without you, there would be me.
you're too stubborn to listen,
too strong-willed to take advice,
and too proud to ask for help.
but i will listen, keep giving advice and want to help.
because without you, there would be no me.
i don't care if anyone else understands us,
because i don't even understand.
i do know that you're my favourite
you're my person
because without you, there would be no me.
6/2/10
12 Things I Forgot To Tell You
12. i hate how most people think lists have to be in multiple of five, ten things to do, five ways to change your life, etc etc. i feel bad for the other numbers.
11. i am convinced if i met certain celebrities we would fall in love.
10. i never eat ketchup with my grilled cheese because when i was five i spilled grilled cheese ketchup on my favourite teddy and stained his paw.
9. no matter how tired i am, i can never fall asleep while laying in the sun.
8. i'm scared that i'm losing intelligence.
7. i want a love that puts romeo and juliets to shame and that would have made william shakespeare blush.
6. i'm a sucker for classic rock on vinyl, despite my hip hop tendencies.
5. my favourite colour is purple because it's my school's colour.
4. i have a bucket list and i don't think i'm going to finish it.
3. i sometimes think that if i stop watching football, stop caring about the blackhawks and stop memorizing kobe's stats i'd have better luck dating.
2. i don't want to be rich, i just want to be successful.
1. i'm scared i'm going to tell you everything and you still won't care.
Can't Stop, Won't Stop
Dreaming isn't hard.
Dreaming while you try and live, work, study and wonder, is an entirely different story.
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