i know i did everything right. i didn't call or text too much or act too immature. i let you go out with your boys and have time to yourself. i amused your whimsical thoughts of dropping out of school and going on a world adventure. i listened to every word you ever said to me, and acted like you were the only person in the room when you talked. i've never been so unintentionally focused on anything, as i was on you. but to you. none of that mattered. well, it mattered, but not enough. it didn't trump your broken heart or your destructive thoughts. it didn't matter enough. i did everything right, but it wasn't enough. maybe its for the best, because right now is great. i love right now. but a small speck of my being still believes that right now could have been a thousand times better if it all mattered enough.
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