i'm one of the lucky ones, i understand that. i love my family so much and they are truly my favourite people in the world. my dad makes me pancakes every sunday at 11am, although he already made my brother some at 9am. my mom is easily the most selfless person i know and is stronger than she lets a lot of people believe. my brother, he's everything good in the world and my main reason for wanting to be a better person. i know that despite the situation, time of day, night or place they will be there for me. they've supported me and loved me even when i didn't love myself. but there's a problem, isn't there always?
the problem being, my liver or to be more specific, how my ill-functioning liver affects my life and their's. to my dad who makes the best pancakes and my adorable mother, i'm fragile. i'm breakable and vulnerable and easily hurt. they have good reasons behind their thinking too. having their oldest child and only daughter almost die (twice) isn't something most parents take with a grain of salt. i however, have treated my illness like a hang nail since day one... but that's another story. both my mom and my dad have handled having a chronically sick child extremely well, i believe. they've let me go away to sleepover camps, let me continue to play basketball after my diagnosis, go away to a different city to attend school, but all at a price. when i went to sleepover camps, they insisted on telling everyone i met immediately about my illness. this made it so i wasn't the little funny, outspoken girl, but the sick girl. when i played basketball, they made me wear a belt around my waist, insisting that this piece of teflon would soften the blow to my spleen and stop it from rupturing if i was ever hit... fat chance. finally, when i went to apply to schools, i was looking at ones in other provinces, across the country even, but this wasn't allowed either. the only rule they had was i must stay inside the province. so i did, i attended their alma mater, in all its purple, pretentious glory.
even today as i write this as an adult in every since of the word. i can vote, i can join the army, i can drink (well, i can't because of said liver problem, but i'm legally allowed, so i'm going to throw it in there), but i can't go to the caribbean because they don't speak english, i wasn't allowed to go on a high school trip to greece because the health care there isn't great. i can't travel somewhere without figuring out the health insurance plan for people with chronic diseases. yes i'm an adult, but to my parents, i'm still the little girl asking the nurses for more apple juice.
i know they do this because they worry, and they worry because they love me more than i probably understand. but sometimes, i just wish i could pick up and go to austria for the summer, or travel around south america and not worry about whether i'll be able to find a place to get my prescriptions filled, or go get breakfast with a bunch of friends and not pull out my pill bottle that looks like i push more weight than biggie in his prime.
when i was 11, i got diagnosed with a liver disease, and since then, i wasn't just my parent's daughter. i became their sick child. something that my mom and dad's love could never heal and i think that's what bothers them the most.
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